Making Time for the Family: Dinnertime Fun

In the book His Needs Her Needs the concept of the love Bank is introduced. Throughout our lives we are constantly adding and subtracting from the love bank. The goal is to have a surplus of love credits so that the bank never falls empty. Theoretically, when we meet someone the way they treat us or speak to us determines if love points are deposited or not. The more points that person deposits the closer we begin to feel toward them. Makes sense. If someone hates us, says derogatory remarks or is abusive then surely we are not going to want to be around that person. The book refers to married couples but I suspect the theory could also be applied to friends and family.

Dinnertime is the one part of the day to sit down as a family and communicate, discuss the events of the day or week, solve problems or situations at school or work, and share stories and goals. Use the time to express your love and gratitude, teach about sex, drugs, drinking, and nutrition, go over the rules of the house, discuss manners, how to manage finances, help build one another, or plan a vacation. The purpose is to get to know each other by lingering a little longer around the table. This is how your kids will learn how to communicate, show affection, learn to trust, share feelings and feel loved. These are all ways to add points to our child’s love bank. They will learn they can trust us because we truly care about them. The relationships between siblings will be strengthened as well.

A number of studies show that children who eat dinner with their families regularly (at least 5 nights a week) are less likely to get involved with drugs and alcohol than those who do not. They get better grades, exhibit less stress and eat healthier. The studies also indicate that teenage girls are less likely to become pregnant or experience an eating disorder. A Harvard study revealed family dinners are more beneficial than play and story time in the development of vocabulary in young children. Studies have also shown that family mealtime reduces the stress level of working moms. An article in the June 2006 Time magazine reported “among those who eat together three or fewer times a week, 45% say the TV is on during meals (as opposed to 37% of all households), and nearly one-third say there isn’t much conversation. Such kids are also more than twice as likely as those who have frequent family meals to say there is a great deal of tension among family members, and they are much less likely to think their parents are proud of them.”

Now that we know the importance of family meal time lets tackle reality. Sadly in many households the kitchen is void of family members and dinner. The art of making homemade meals is non-existent in many homes today. In some homes a bag of fast food is quickly divided among the family members with respected persons walking off in different directions. For those who attempt to have family meals few are met with a great deal of resistance and too soon dismiss the practice feeling defeated.

Start the building process by getting everyone involved in preparing the meal. Learn how to make a menu and prepare three easy meals and rotate them each week. Carry the chatter to the dinner table as you sit down to enjoy a meal everyone had a part in making. Gordon Ramsey, chef and host of Kitchen Nightmares and Hell’s Kitchen understands the importance of sharing a meal together. In his home Sunday lunch is mandatory family time.

In past generations family stories were passed around the dinner table. The children got to know their uncles and grandparents listening to those stories. Stephen’s dad carried on a tradition started by his father of asking trivia questions during dinner as a means of conversation. Amanda Blake Soule author of Creative Family uses dinnertime as a time to reflect on what they are most grateful for. Dinnertime at the White House remains the same for the Obama family. An interview in the March 2009 issue of People revealed the Obama family takes turns sharing their “rose and thorn” for the day.

Eating dinner together is no cure-all however it is the means to providing stability and strength to the family. Our kids realized they could be part of the conversation and now Mason enjoys telling us wild stories and both Mason and Adelin have fun answering the questions Stephen asks of us. All it takes is a commitment to turn off the phones, TV and the racing mind. Statistics prove it is worth every battle in the end.